Hi all.  (Whoever's here, this is new!)

My daughter is almost five, she's shy in uncomfortable situations (for her=public/strangers), and afraid of our neighbor whom she's seen only twice (so scared, she wont go in the hallway by herself). 

 

I was just introduced to eft myself, (and have a big issue which was NOT (yet!) resolved) and hope that this can help her.  I tried having her say "even tho..." while I tap, but she refused, and won't let me do it either.  

 

Any suggestions? Can something be done while she's asleep?

 

Thanks,

goldrose 

Dear Goldrose,

 There are several ways to help your daughter that you can access on the EFT website.  You can use the movie technique.  You could ask her how she would help a friend with similar issues to get her familiar and comfortable with the techniques, or you might try working on some of her lesser fears until she is ready to tackle the larger ones.  You might also find out that one of the "smaller" fears is actually the trigger for the bigger ones and will take care of themselves when you eliminate the "smaller " ones.  I also think that adding humor with kids is incredibly helpful.  I have seen my 7 year old son go from absolutely distraught to dissolving into giggles in a matter of minutes.  It usually has to do with being angry with one of his older brothers and we start tapping with...eventhough I'm so angry with my brother that I could chew his ears off...tear his arms off and use them as drumsticks...rip off his eyebrows and pretend they're caterpillers etc (I know its gruesome, but it works with him).  By the time we're done with the reversal, he is usually smiling at least and by the time we run through the rest of the tapping he is totally anger free.  Most of the time we don't even finish the tapping because he tells me he is ok and doesn't need to tap anymore.  My teenage son is more of a challenge, but even when he doesn't want to tap and would rather experience the negative emotion for a while, I remind him that "the tapping" as we call it, is there when he's ready.  By the way, he has nearly eliminated his allergies by tapping on himself, and this was a boy who took at least two over the counter allergy pills per day last year.  This year, he took about 6 throughout the entire spring season.  Very exciting.  Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom who is so dedicated to helping her.

 Karen

Thank you, Karen.

 Now here's a technical question - what exactly is involved in "tapping" on her?  The 9-gamut also?  Can I just tap on her when she's afraid even if she wont speak?  (for example, when I will take her to the doctor in a few weeks, and she yells her head off) What points do I tap?  Can I speak for her if she'll let me?

 

Thanks,

goldrose

 

 

Hi Goldrose:

Tapping on a kid that is not willing to be tapped on is definetly turning them off to the process,. I suggest you do not do that! It is Ok as well to stick to the first part of the basic recipe.

If I may suggest, do the following. EFT has many times over proven that once you get the basic intent and focus together you can even realize what is called "surrogate" tapping.

Some time ago, I was actually dealing not with a shy girl, but with an angry daughter who would definetly not let me tap on her.

So I tapped on myself for her.  Even though I am angry,..and mad at my teacher,. the bully,. etc,..  etc,.. 3 rounds and adjusting it to what ever her current chages in behaviour were,. One of the lines was enven,. "Even though Dad is ridiculous with this tapping thing, and I think he is making a (Donkey) of himself,. I fully and deeply and entirely love and accept myself."  It was hilarious how that moment she had what I call, point of inflection and her anger caved in like a cardhouse.

On a shy girl you might just get a similar result by tapping on yourself stimulating her curiosity,.. "mom what are you doing?" I am tapping,.. Why?,.. etc,..

 Just a thought on the subject,.  

Blessings

Till

 

I am also just brand new to EFT myself and have a daughter with anger and jealousy issues.   I've tried once without much cooperation on her part--so I am going to try a reward system---for reading her affirmation and also doing EFT---still setting it up but I think it may help her to let us try EFT.  Maybe if your daughter wants to earn some reward she may let you try EFT?........   Good Luck!

Hello Goldrose and Till,

If I may add a few thoughts about surrogate tapping...when I am working with children who don't want me to tap on them because they are angry or shy or afraid, I will introduce Tappybear. You could use any doll or stuffed animal, I suppose, but I like to use Tappybear because he has the tapping buttons on him. He is also soft and cuddly so he is comforting when a child holds him. I use both ways of surrogate tapping (tapping on myself, tapping on Tappybear), but I prefer to use Tappybear with children because then they can learn how to tap on the bear also.

I do ask the child if I may tap on Tappybear for him or her. If they say no, which is a rare occurence, then I try other avenues to build rapport. Usually, though, curiosity, if nothing else, will prompt them to give me permission. After a round or two, I ask the child if he/she would like to tap on the bear. In the vast majority of cases, the child will take the bear and the resistance to doing EFT has been broken.

 It's worth a try!

Hugs and Blessings,

Syandra

 

Hi Goldrose,

 I, too, have a very shy daughter, who is now almost 12. EFT will be of great help to your daughter as she grows, but certainly don't worry about making her tap yet.This is a wonderful resource, and you will receive lots of gentle wisdom here, so please persist even if you're not getting the results you're looking for right away.

First of all, I'm going to suggest you read a book that was suggested to my by EFT master Rue Hass. It's called "The Highly Sensitive Child - Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them", by Elaine Aron, Ph.D.  It's a very engaging book, and for any parent of a shy, sensitive child, it is very encouraging.

A high degree of sensitivity (which usually goes along with extreme shyness) has its downsides, which you are obviously frustrated by. But it also has its upsides, Your daughter has brought her own gifts to the world, which you may or may not see at only 5 years old.

EFT will be able to help her with specific fears and worries, when she's ready to try it, but it's not going to change her basic personality - mostly because there's nothing "wrong" with people who are very shy. Because you are obviously very engaged in helping your daughter (or you wouldn't be on this forum!), you can look forward to finding out that just because she doesn't jump quickly into the world, doesn't mean that she'll never get out there. Your patience will be well rewarded, and by giving her the message that she's really healthy and fine, and that it's okay to react differently from her peers, she will come to have a deep trust in you. And though it's quite a ways down the road for you now, one of the big advantages of children of this temperment is that they're very unlikely to take part in high risk behaviours in adolescence.

In terms of what to tap for, I suggest that before you leap into trying to change anything about her, you do some tapping for yourself. Something like, "Even though my daughter is very shy, I love and accept her for who she is, and I love and accept myself as the mother of this wonderful child." Then on the various points, you can do several rounds, alternating "my daughter is very shy", "I love and accept her for who she is", and "I accept myself as the mother of this wonderful child".  My guess is that if you do that a few times a day, your own concerns about her shyness will start to lift. (And please let us know how all of this helps or doesn't help you!)

Warm regards,

Deb

Hi

I have been reading all these posts with interest and I also wanted to suggest another possibility.  My own personal experience has been that as I address my own issues my childrens confidence and behaviour improves, as well as working directly with them. 

I have sent submitted an article to emofree on this subject, although don't know if it will be printed yet, but I had a client and one of her observations as well as her own problems was that her child was angry and clingy, would not go to preschool without a fight every day.  She realised alot of her lack of confidence and health issues came after the actual birth experience.  Once we treated this very traumatic memory (and incidentally she did not conciously acknowledge this was the case until during our session) she could feel the way she saw her child had changed.  She felt a strong bond which had not been there before despite loving him desperately and a sense of peace and relaxation.

She reported the next day he went to school for the first time quite happily and she has not felt him to be been angry with her since.  During the session we acknowledged she was also tapping for his feelings about his birth.

I have definitely found it necessary to tap for myself and my children about their birth experiences.  Also about my own state during pregnancy.  Our stress can affect the foetus as well, so that might be worth thinking about.

My husband and I have worked with many children with learning and behaviour problems, its our experience that the parents need to work on themselves if not first, at least at the same time.  I say this from the perspective of one who has been there and done that myself.

Gillian

www.eastneuktherapies.co.uk

 

I agree with your point that parents need to deal with their own turmoils to change the chemistry at home.  Since I have addressed my feelings, I feel I am creating a much more loving atmosphere with my three sons.

 This is not really a reply to the above post, I just do not have a nerve to post my own post. I know I should have tapped on that now and maybe I will. OK, I am doing it right now.

Although I feel I should use EFT before posting this "reply" in order to be able to post my own post, I deeply and consciously accept myself as I am. Good. I have done it.

How do I feel about posting this "non-reply"? On a scale from 10 (absolutely OK) to 0 (absolutely not OK), it's now 6. Good enough to be able to proceed. OK, may I proceed now? Yes. I choose to proceed now because I am allowed. 

Few minutes ago I have opened in my inbox an e-mail with Gary Craig's EFT Insights Newsletter September 21 and while reading an article by Jo Hainsworth - here's the link http://www.emofree.com/Allergy/food-sensitivities-jo.htm - I was in the process of trying to find out for myself what would be my answers to her questions she used for her client.

I got answers my conscious self did not expect to find.

What were they? I'd rather not want to hear them again. OK, I need to do EFT in order to be able to repeat them here. OK.

Although I feel the answers I got from my subconscious mind I'd rather not repeat here in this "non-reply", I nevertheless accept myself as I am now. On a scale from 10 (absolutely OK) to 0 (absolutely not OK), it's now 7. I can proceed.

I decided not no repeat them in words, but have taken a picture of them. It shows that my subconscious mind finished the sentence "In order to accept myself I need to..." with the following words.

First round it was: "I need to stop existing",

Second round it was: "should not exist in the first place",

Third round it was: "be at least invisible".

 

 Every round I concluded with "I accept that that's the way it is for me now right now, and I remain open to changing that."

It took me few rounds. Energy was flowing in my body, making changes in it. I used to feel that I should be invisible, if not non-existing.

Then it occured to me that this was installed in my subconscious mind by my mother who didn't want to have children in the first place, and she only did give birth to me to keep her husband, my father. There I said it. Phew!

OK. I know in EFT it doesn't matter who and why did install messages in our minds. The only thing that matters in EFT is to be able to accept them as OK, and to have choice to change them freely.

Another thing came on the surface. The message was subconsciously transmitted to my own first-born child, despite that I tried very much to be a better parent myself in comparison to my parents. I couldn't help myself to emanate this message as a parent and I am so sorry. I need quickly EFT for this one. Here it is. Despite my emanation of this message to my ______ (my first-born child's name), (ohhh, this is hard, how can I say this, I must say this) deeply and consciously accept myself as I am, as I am now. I have a choice. I can do it. OK, I am doing it now. I accept myself as a kid and adult and I accept my ______ as a kid and as future adult. I love him.

I... -- my body started crying -- karate chop spot being pressed.

I laugh. I feel as if something has fallen off my chest.

My lips make an opening to be able to whistle a song and music is coming out...

I apologize for my English, it's not my native language.

Sam

 

 

Sam,

It is great that you were able to tap for your own childhood issue and therefore tap for what you may have passed on to your own child.  You may also wish to tap for your mother and your father, and tap for your own ability to forgive them for their feelings with repect to where they were at that time and the feelings they projected to you.  It is powerful to release those feelings and free yourself, and past, and future generations.

It is a wonderful feeling to have that weight lifted from your chest.  May you continue to whistle!

Thank you, Sue, for not criticizing me for "posting here in the first place", because this is what I expected. I expected to be criticized for posting a "non-reply" (but even more criticized if I would make appearence by posting my "own" post).

EFT: "Although I expect to be criticized vigorously for making appearance, I deeply and consciously accept myself as I am now."

Dear Sue, thank you for saying to me "May you continue to whistle!"