My Grandson has been in the family for 3 years. He is now 9. He had been in 17 different

Foster Homes between birth and 6 years. There were intervals when he was with his

natural mother.

As yet he has not been properly assessed but as a Grandmother to ten I feel the main

problem is Attachment Disorder. My son had to fight to get him in to a main stream school and

even with one on one attention he has almost been expelled a few times. My son and daughter in

law have maintained a strict regime which has definately improved his behaviour. He is now involved

in various sports and does ok with his school work. That said, his mind always seems to be somewhere

else and he never has eye contact.

The main problem is he shows them no affection what so ever and has told my daughter in law

that he is only there because they feed and clothe him and buy him things. When he meets someone

new he will show them affection to get what he wants and can be quite manipulative.

I have tried EFT with him in the early days when he was with us on holiday. (We live a considerable

distance apart). His concentration levels were very limited but it seemed to help. When he was

here recently on holiday, I invited him to try tapping again and he refused point blank. Should I

do surrogate tapping or leave it until he is ready and willing to take part?

Help!

Grannie Annie.

 

Dear Grannie Annie,

I think it is great that you are trying to help your grandson. After all he has been through in his nine years of life, I think it makes perfect sense to surrogate tap for him. While he has seen some benefits to the initial tapping you did with him, he obviously does not see its value fully yet. My opinion would be to surrogate tap for him on resistance to tapping, on the separation or abandonment issue, and any fears about getting close to his family in fear that they may abandon him and it would just be too painful.

When you are with him, suggest him trying it again. You may want to start using EFT for his sports performance. Over time, he may open up to trying it on other emotional issues. He may find that it is the best thing that could possibly happen to help him feel safe and loved.

Good luck and keep us posted on how it works,

 If he will stand for it, I would try sitting down beside him and tapping on myself as though I were him, give some reversal statements.  You might want to start out with a little humour such as ``Even though this old lady that calls herself Grannie Annie is bugging me again, I'm a good kid. Èven though it scares me to feel different after she taps, I'm okay.  Even if I don't like this tapping thing; it creeps me out, I'm a good kid.Even though this tapping bugs me, Grannie is trying to help me, cause I'm a good kid. Even though I'm afraid of not being 'me' anymore if Granny Annie keeps going with this tapping , I'm a good kid. Even if I`m not okay the way I am, I`m okay.  Even though it`s not safe for me to be any different than I am and even if I never change, I`m okay. Even if I`m a disappointment to Mom & Dad, I`m okay. Even if I can never love anyone else again and even if I never do, I`m okay. Even though I`ve been rejected by other foster parents, I`m a good kid.  Even though i'm afraid my parent will send me away, i'm okay. Even though I`m a little different, I`m still a good kid.  Even though I have trouble concentrating, I`m still a good kid. Even though looking people in the eye is uncomfortable for me, I accept myself, and I'm a good kid.Even though everybody is trying to control me and make me into someone i'm not, m still a good kid and i can accept love. Even though it doesn't always feel safe to do so, it is safe for me to accept love.  It is safe to accept love from other people; from mom and dad, even if it doesn't always feel safe. Even though  it is easy to pretend love to gets things from people, I'm still a good kid.  Even though it is safer to say i'm pretending to love, I'm a good kid.  Even though mom didn't want me, I'm a good kid.Even though I can't forget  that so many people didn't want me and even though I can't forgive them for not liking me or loving me enough to keep me, I'm stilll a good kid.

If he won`t sit still for you, then I would do it surrogately for him when he is asleep, while sitting near his bed, or just outside his door.  As a last resort, or in anticipation of seeing him, simple surrogate distance tapping works, too. Persistence pays.  Also, I have found that reversal statements in real hard cases need to be repeated up to 12 times before they land.  I use surrogate muscle-checking to confirm the landing.  

Let me know how it turns out.  I have had a great deal of success using surrogate tapping, and you can, too.

Mildred 

Hi I work quite abit with attachment issues, and first I have the parents clear any attachment limitations they may have so that the child has a "clean" field, so to speak, to attach to. Then start with him where he is. Tap on, "I am only nice to people to get what I want." Tap on the troublesome behaviors using his words to describe them. Karate chop tap, "Even though I'm only here for food and clothes, I am an awesome Kid!" " Even though I don't really care about anyone, i am an awsome kid." Over time work up to tapping on his early traumas and "It is scary to love my Mom and Dad." And over time tap with him on the inner parts that dissociated and wanted to die. Big wounds take time, but trauma is just stuck energy and can shift. The main thing is for his parents to not be pushed away. Blessings, Mary Hammond MA LPC Diplomate, Comprehensive Energy Psychology