First of all, I am very grateful for this site.  I am raising my two grandsons 7 & 9 and I have had them for the last two years, along with much response-ability.  I had been doing EFT and started doing it with them each night to help them fall asleep.  They had experienced much neglect since infancy, so needless to say, I have had a lot of core issues to bring up.  The boys love the tapping and it breaks through some tough issues but I have been taking classes on children that have been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. This method that I am learning is totally oppsite of what we were taught growing up.....example: if you throw a tantrum you were either sent to your room or put in time out.. or got the belt !    We were always taught to give consequences to bad behaviors.    But with a child that is RAD or BI POLAR, their behaviors are frightening and they become so dysregulated  that it is hard to calm them down, especially when their tantrums can go on for many hours with out let-up.  Dr,Post, on the subject of Attachment Challanged Children, says to ignore the behaviors but not the child.  I thought this was a crazy idea !  It does work with these children, because I am seeing it with mine.......Later after they are calm we then discuss the behavior.  This is such a loving way to deal with a child with behavioral problems.  My question is, when a child is so dysregulated, how can you tap when most of these children do not allow you to touch them at this point ?  Their bodies are so stressed out that they become an emotional age and not the chronological age.  Mine will usually become about two or three and I find it hard to communicate EFT with them at that point and I find it hard for them to express what was bothering them at that time of dysregulation.  Usually with mine I find any type of transition will trigger an episode of horrible behaviors.   I am looking for a way to tap other than surrogate tapping.....if there is one............I say this because when they become dysregulated, it will trigger the parents own childhood issues, then you have two that are dysregulated now, so how is it you can tap to create a breakthrough for the child and the parent ?? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  I truly feel that Dr.Post method for attachment challanged children and EFT can be like two peas in a pod, and a blessing for the parents and /or grandparents of children with attachment challanges.

Thanks

Gmail-gma

Thanks for sharing your story.  Your grandchildren now have the good fortune to have your loving care and guidance that was missing for so long.  It sounds as if you are on the right track.  Be patient and as Gary always says be persistent.  May I suggesst some pre-emptive tapping.  Ask them what it is like before they go off -- a feeling, a color or sound.  Then tap for 'Even though I get this feeling (use their words) and I know I'm about to blow (again, use their words), I choose to be/feel calm'  or 'I choose a thought/feeling/memory that makes me feel better.'  During a quiet time, have them make a list of positive memories or feelings and anchor them with positive tapping.  Help them to get in the habit (eventually) to practice 4 times a day -- when they get up in the morning, lunch time, dinner time and before they go to sleep (a good time to anchor positive events/feelings and accomplishments that happened during the day). You can do the surrogate tapping in their presence or they can tap themselves or perhaps each other. I always begin a surrogate tapping session by saying out loud as I tap the Karate Chop Point, 'I am tapping myself with intention of helping ( name) overcome his issue. The goal is to help them realize that they are in control and that they get to choose their feelings. Blessings to you.

Happy Tapping!

Nurse Crilly

Right on Grandma!  My partner and I are also the parents of adopted children with possible RAD.  Eft has been a really big help to us, as has been the work of B Bryan Post pHd, a social worker and former adopted child himself.  What I have noticed in my children's rages is that there is a period of increasing stress and tension before they "blow".  Oh, and this is true for me too!.  Premptive tapping really helps to bring us all down and into a more regulated state.

I really like the idea of tapping several times a day with the kids.  So far I have only been doing it at night or when we/they get dysregulated and stressed during the day.  The tapping before the stressful event is a really excellent idea too.  I did this (see my post, EFT for the dead fish, on the parent's forum) with really great results.  I think the idea of having them do surrogate tapping on their stuffed animals is an idea to try too.

 If I'm about to move them from one activity to another,I can tell them what is coming up, tap surrogately for them, then make the change.  I think I will try that system and see how it works.

Nancy 

Hi,  I work with sexually abused kids,  most in foster care.  I am in the NYC area too.  So I see many of the "worst case scenarios"  there are.  Just being there on a regular basis at a regular time is so powerful for these kids,  allowing a choice or two...It helps.  I have done some surrogate tapping,  but I haven't broached touching them in any way yet.  I will though,  we just need more time because of the sexual abuse issues and boundaried involved.

Thanks for your comments,

Heidi Kolman, LCSW

HKolman,

It is wonderful that you are surrogate tapping for these children.  You may wish to try tapping on yourself and have them follow along in the follow-the-leader fashion.  That way you do not need to touch them or "enter their space" physically.