I was wondering if anyone had ideas on how to help a 6-year-old who sometimes has autistic-like behaviors, such as not responding to people around him and being so caught up in the world of his own imagination that he doesn't interact appropriately with others.

He often doesn't like to sit down and pay attention to a teacher or other adult, he doesn't like to listen to the rules of games, and wants to do everything his way. He is very smart, very imaginative, but not too concerned about what other people think or want. Still, he can and does make friends and responds appropriately to emotional displays from close family members.

He got to play catcher for one inning of a tee-ball game, but instead of trying to catch the ball, he let the ball hit him in the chest and then crumpled to the ground. Everyone freaked out, worried that he was hurt. Turns out he was pretending he was a robot and the ball had 'zapped' him--he wasn't paying attention to the game at all, and didn't think about what others would feel about his behavior.

Any ideas would be helpful--but he probably won't sit still for EFT on himself.

I don't know enough about what EFT can do for people in the autistic spectrum to comment, but I hope it is acceptable to make a non-EFT suggestion in this forum.  It sounds like this child is doing the best he can with what he's got, but all of his systems may not be supporting him fully.  The Handle Institute (www.handle.org) is very good at not only figuring out which systems are not strong or well-integrated, but they have gentle and effective methods for helping children and adults become better neurologically organized.  The founder of Handle, Judith Bluestone, was born autistic, and her insight into the world of neurological disorganization and dysfunction has helped her to develop very effective programs for people with a wide variety of problems.  I found her book, The Fabric of Autism, to be an interesting read and it gave me a glimpse into the autistic world.  My daughter is not autistic, but the book gave me some insights into some of her perplexing behaviors.

I think Handle could help you understand what the child is experiencing and teach you what to do to get his systems to support him more fully.  I am doing a Handle program with my daughter and having very good results (after 4 years of trying other things that were largely ineffective).  EFT may also help this type of issue, but I don't have the personal experience with it yet.  Good luck to you.

Thanks for the information! I believe in approaching a problem from all directions possible, and you've given me a new direction to explore. I appreciate your letting me know.

 Saralee

You are very welcome, Saralee!  Poke around the Handle website -- it could be better organized, but the more you look around, the more you find.  Check on the section called "Disorders" and see how they explain some of them.  It makes a lot of sense.  Another really helpful piece is the "Real Reasons Kids Don't Learn" information (look under the "Info For Starters" link), which goes through a number of systems and tells you what behaviors you might see if a child's systems are not supporting him/her fully.  This can give a parent a big "Aha!" when they recognize that their child may have an excellent neurological reason for doing whatever perplexing behaviors they are doing.  It is also incredibly reassuring to learn that you aren't stuck with what you've got.  The brain and nervous system are very malleable and can be reorganized so they work more efficiently, especially in kids.

I agree with you on looking at problems from all possibilities!  That's what led me to EFT, and I think that whether or not EFT will help with my daughter's neurological problems, it is going to help her with a whole lot of other things and could be a lifelong gift.  The Handle people speak very highly of EFT, and consider it a complementary therapy, btw.

I'll check out that "Info for Starters" section. And with respect to Handle and EFT--I noticed that Handle mentions a "tapping" type of therapy. I thought that was interesting.

All the best to you.

 Hi Saralee,

sounds more like attentional problems to me. If you think of social skills

in terms of a radar that tells you where the other ships are and what they are up to,

children with autism have to build the radar, children with attentional problems

have to learn to look at the radar, that's a difference. Children with autism don't

understand the rules, children with attentional problems don't like the rules

and try to make their own.

Some ideas on how to get leverage with him:

- He will need an outlet for his creativity, where he learns 'artistic discipline' and finds a role-model

in regard of being different and  productive.

-  A talking-circle in his class could be a way to let him know what others think and to learn 

to handle conflict. Also other kids would  benefit from that. (takes time though)

- The idea that children only learn if they sit still is an artifact of 200 years of schooling.

- There are many variations you could do EFT. Walking, lying on the ground, singing, as a rap,

to a beat, on a couch, in water, flying in space... You get the idea. You don't have to do it perfectly either.

Just the setup is a good start. 

- So he is a robot... You can use metaphors from the robot world. He should update his programming,

maybe he needs a catch routine, he should check his sensors more often, turn down the mp3 player in his

head, adjust his radar, build up his memory capacity, switch to another program, refocus his attention laser,

push some buttons from time to time  (tap tap)...  

- Be persistent. See how far you get with him, get a little further next time. Watch his body for signs of progress and approval. 

I will post more on working with attentional problems in a seperate post, if I find the time...

Hope that's helpful.

Warm regards,

Dirk 

 
Dirk 

Thanks, Dirk, those are very helpful ideas. He's been evaulated by psychologists twice so far, and they have concluded that he's not autistic but they don't know what the issue might be.

 I'll try your EFT suggestions. Do you have any resources you can point me to for the creative outlet that might help him learn "artistic discipline?"  Any ideas would be great.

If this were me, I'd say martial arts, because I've found that they're wonderful for instilling discipline while being lots of fun--but it's not me, and I can't predict what things will capture his imagination and make him want to learn and do. All I can do is offer him ideas and see if he likes any of them.

I like the idea of adapting the "robot" idea to apply to the activities we want him to do, like programming in a catch routine, so that when he's a robot he catches, and so on.

I'll look forward to your additional posts.

I agree with Dirk that this child likely has an attentional problem, but I respectfully disagree that the child is willfully choosing to ignore social protocols.  To use the radar analogy, what the child needs is for someone to help him clear all the static and interference so he can see his radar.  Right now he's got too much interference so he cannot function properly.  We can't see the static, so we assume it isn't there and he's just being willful, uncooperative, or even defiant.  Not true.

 We all have a limited amount of conscious space in our mind.  When all of our systems (systems = the things that allow us to take in and process information, such as hearing, vision, proprioception, muscle tone, vestibular system . . .) are strong and working together well, our subconscious minds attend to the things we need for our safety and comfort, so we don't have to waste valuable space in our conscious mind.  But when one or more of our systems is weak or stressed or not functioning properly with co-dependant systems, then we have to use valuable real estate in our conscious mind to keep us safe, and that leaves less room available to pay attention to parents, teachers, or social protocols.  These kids (and adults) almost always have hypersensitivity in at least one of three modalities; vision, tactility, or hearing.  There is actually no deficit of attention -- everyone is always attending to something.  What is happening to these people is that they are having to spend a large part of their attention on things that should be handled on a subconscious level, and they are doing this for their survival, to protect themselves, and not because they are willful.  Survival will always come first.  For example, if I was listening to you give a lecture but the feel of the chair on the back of my thigh was driving me crazy and the scratchy tags in back of my shirt were hurting my back, I would only be listening to you with a small part of my conscious attention as compared to how much I could focus if I were physically comfortable during the lecture.  Think of the last time you had a throbbing toothache and how much attention you had to spare on anything but the pain in your mouth, and you get the picture.

 The way you help a person like this is to strengthen and integrate their systems so they no longer have to pay so much attention to keeping themselves safe.  When one's basic safety functions start happening at a subconscious level then their mind will be free to focus on school or work or whatever they choose.  The hard part is figuring out which systems are not supporting them fully, since they are not aware or articulate enough to tell you.  Their behavior communicates what their words do not.  Staff trained by the Handle Institute are well trained in helping people like this (as I recommended above), in figuring out which systems are not fully functioning, and giving families gentle programs to help strengthen the child's ability to function efficiently.  I've given a quick explanation here, but there's a better, more thorough explanation on the ADD/ADHD fact sheet (go to www.handle.org, look under "Disorders", and click ADD/ADHD).  It doesn't surprise me that the psychologists were not able to identify what was really going on with this child -- he needs people trained in neurodevelopment.  Someday Handle protocols and programs will be better known and more widely used (just like EFT will be a household word and practice for mainstream America), but unfortunately we aren't there yet.

I love martial arts for kids for a myriad of reasons.  It is great vestibular stimulation, which this person undoubtedly needs.  It has great structure, it stresses continual improvement rather than perfection, there's a social structure (listening to elder students and helping students who are junior to you), and most people learn that it is not about dominating others but rather controlling oneself.  It is an art form in which one can grow for a lifetime.  You just need to find a good, non-macho teacher.  It is more important to find a good teacher than to choose a particular style of martial art, in my opinion.  I think that's a great idea for this child.

Hi

As someone with a family history of these difficulties, and a mother of two boys, I have found Handle (and similar approaches) to be wonderful.  The Handle face tapping hits a lot of the same points as EFT.  I just wondered if your son had any stress at birth?  Cranio-sacral therapy is a very gentle form of therapy and your son may benefit from this.  Also, try to get a developmental eye test done.  Most opticians don't do the required tests so you will have to try to find a specialist.  If you are in Scotland, Dorothy Crystal in Edinburgh is excellent.  My younger son has behaviour very similar to your son's.  Apart from the fact that his auditory processing was below the expected level for his age, his eye muscles were "nowhere near the starting blocks for school" at age 8.  Incidentally, both he and his brother have above average vision, so it takes an expert to find the real areas of visual weakness.  There is no simple answer, but trying to find his various sources of stress and addressing them will help.  My son is not fond of being tapped on and can't remember the tapping points accurately.  However, I tell him to tap on the bits he feels need tapping and he responds very well to surrogate tapping.

Thank you--I really appreciate all the comments I've received, and you've all provided new insights to my son's situation.

Although the psychologists haven't been able to pinpoint what's going on with him, it's probably a combination of both things--the attention and the sensory system. His lack of attention is not quite defiance as I understand it, but it's also not always that he's being bothered by some competing stimulus. Mostly, his non-attentive and disruptive behavior is some kind of "coping mechanism" that doesn't really help him cope socially.

He's a very smart and highly imaginative child, but I can tell that when things don't come easily to him (such as paying attention in class or during a tee-ball game), he falls back on those things that *do* come easily--making up his own imaginary game, pretending he's C3PO from Star Wars, or whatever it is. So his retreating into his imagination is not caused by irritating sensations, exactly.

I have investigated the Handle site, and found it useful; I think Dirk is right that my son's issue is probably not autism but is an attentional thing; and in order to address the attention issue in a positive way, it is important to make sure that he's not struggling with competing sensory inputs.

I live in Ohio, so I'm pretty far from Scotland, but I'll take into consideration the comments about vision testing. My son has more trouble with auditory stimuli (doesn't know which sounds are important and which are not--if the teacher is talking and the air conditioner is humming, he doesn't know which to listen to).

Maybe a martial arts class might be a good choice after all. I agree that it's important to find the right teacher--my own instructor (who is now retired) would have been the right kind of martial arts teacher for my son, so I know what to look for. We had a number of differently-abled people in our school, because his view was that he was there to help each student be their own personal best.

We're working on it. Thanks again for all your help and support.

Thanks, Tess,

As to stress at birth--well, labor was induced 4 weeks early because I had pre-eclampsia. That means that in addition to the drugs they gave me to stimulate labor, they also injected me with drugs to prevent seizures that might be caused by the stress of labor. My son was born after 36 hours of this, and I think it was very likely stressful for him. But he didn't have to spend time in the NICU, as many preemies do, so he really came though it very well.

I'm not sure I've ever heard of cranio-sacral therapy. Is it some kind of chiropractic? I'll see what I can learn about it. As I mentioned, my son's vision appears to be okay--he's a good reader, about a year ahead of most his classmates, so he can focus close. And the optometrist said his distance vision was very good. It's his auditory processing that seems to need help.

Maybe I can try surrogate tapping, too.

Hi

With reference to auditory processing difficulties, I personally found 'The Listening Programme' to be a life-changing therapy for me.  In my search for answers for my sons, I have at last understood myself and realised that I wasn't just lazy or a failure. I had hypersensitive hearing and was unable to shut out the irrelevent sounds. 

I was introduced to this programme by a very experienced teacher/learning therapist and I no longer want to throw our radio alarm out of the window!  (The humming of the current used to drive me crazy.)  My sons have also benefitted.  Look on this site:    http://www.solstice-training.co.uk/TLP.htm  I know it's British, but there may be therapists in your area - or something similar.  It is based on the findings of Tomatis. 

It is very hard to grow up as a bright child, who sometimes can't do the stuff that others find easy.  It is very easy to retreat into being funny or daydreaming.  There are lots of answers out there and each child has different needs.  With a mum like you, you're child won't have to wait until he's 40 to get help. 

Best of luck.

Tess

Hello Saralee,

This may seem somewhat far afield of EFT, however, I think it is something you might consider.  Perhaps and probably your child is an Indigo Child.  My intention is not to use this forum to open up that kind of discussion, rather to expand the realm of possibilities.  If you are unfamiliar, just Google "Indigo Child" to learn more.  I mention this, not as yet another label but by way of explanation for some behaviors that are at odds with the "norm".  That said, I believe EFT will help your child become comfortable with the person he is meant to be,

Hi, Tess,

 Thanks so much for the info on the listening programme--I'll have to send them an email and ask if they have anyone in the US who can do the program. I'm amazed that what you have described is so much like what my son is experiencing--the sensitivity to sounds, the retreat into humor or daydreaming. Your insights are so helpful.

And thanks for your kind words--they're much appreciated. I don't know what I'm doing here, but at least I'm in there trying.

Saralee

Hello, Nurse Crilly,

I have indeed heard of Indigo children, and it's interesting that you should mention that possibility. In fact, a spiritual person that I know -- who practices EFT, and gave me the address to this site -- has confirmed that my son is a Crystal child. So your comments come close to the mark!

It can be frustrating when people tell you that the child you love is not typical--even though the differences may be good ones, in many ways. So it's reassuring to know that someone has figured out (or at least developed a theory about) what these children are going through and why.

 Still, as far as I can tell, that doesn't change the fact that my son needs some extra help in learning to cope with the world, and in managing the talents and sensitivities he was born with. With the resources that have been suggested here, I'm pretty sure that we can come up with some combination of ideas and activities that will help him.

 Thanks!