-
ChristineM
  - Joined on 06-15-2007
- Amersham, England
- Posts 71
|
Helping a Child with Bereavement using EFT
Maybe you went through your childhood without losing anyone significant, but it is not uncommon for a young person to experience bereavement at some stage. When a child loses a parent, grandparent, sibling, or a beloved pet, the adult carers left have the added responsibility of helping the child through the grieving process. This can be difficult when most of us are not a specialist in this area. So, how can EFT help with the feelings, questions and beliefs that arise? The good news is that most children are remarkably resilient, given the right love and guidance. Some of their thoughts, feelings and questions may be verbalised, others remain deeper in their unconscious mind. Some of the ideas may be logical, others are confused due to inexperience, whilst others are just plain inspirational. As always, I feel we have a lot to learn from children. Whilst I thoroughly recommend the services of the bereavement support systems available, (see below), EFT can be extremely useful for helping a young person through this uniquely difficult period. It can help a child think and feel calmer about the process they are experiencing. By reviewing the most common feelings that children and young people can have around the bereavement period, we can gain insights into possible EFT journeys that we may be led on in practice time. Listen carefully to the very words that slip from their lips to form the perfect set up phrases.
- “When is he coming back?”
Whatever your age, it can take a long time to believe that someone who matters very much to you is not coming back. Faced with this sentiment, example set phrases could be:“Even though, I want him to come back, as I’m really sad without….. I’m still a great boy”Or “Even though, I can’t understand why ……..hasn’t come back because he always has been her for me, I’m still a good girl”
- “Why did it have to happen?”
Explanations are very important, but children may need to ask the same questions over and over again. It will take time for them to accept what has happened, and the death may seem very unfair. They may be left angry that someone they care about has left them.Depending at what stage they are at, possible set phrases may be:“Even though, I’ve been told what happened, I still don’t understand why it had to happen, and that makes me angry, I’m still a good son” Or “ Even though, I’m really sad that……..happened, I’m still a good niece”
However far fetched this may seem to you, many children worry that something that they said or did, or didn’t do or say, caused the death.“Even though, I blame myself for saying……. to my dad, I’m a caring boy”
It is difficult for children to understand why someone dies, and they have become frightened about their own death or worry that someone else close to them will die soon.“ Even though, I can’t get to sleep at night because I think that ……. might die as well, I am a good girl”
Younger children may find it more difficult to grasp that a dead person is not coming back and may ask repeatedly, “Where has she gone?”, Expecting to be told of a place that they know about.“ Even though, I don’t know where granny has really gone and they don’t really know either, I’m a good grandchild”.
Like adults, children may sometimes feel life is not worth living without someone they love. They might imagine that if they die, they will be reunited with the dead person, or that the dead person will come back to life.“Even though I don’t like my life now that my Grandad is dead and I don’t want to be happy any more, I am a thoughtful girl”
- What happens to a dead body?
Young children may require help to understand that when someone is dead the body no longer works and must be buried or burnt.“Even though, I don’t get why …. is going be buried under the soil in a box, I love and accept myself”
- Will she get hurt when they burn her?
Young children may think that being dead is like sleeping. They may gentle guidance to understand that there is no feeling or pain after death.“Even though I don’t like to think that……. hasn’t got feelings anymore, I still have feelings for her, I am a good daughter”
Feelings tend to come and go in circles, and some people worry that they’re feeling sad again, or angry, when they thought they’d got over that feeling. When most children find, though, is gradually, over time, things do get easier.“Even though, some days are better, this is a bad day and I can’t stop crying, I love and accept myself”
- No one understands how I feel
“Even though, I know other people care about me, I feel that no one else understands me, I still accept myself” In addition to using EFT, you can always approach a recommended bereavement charity for assitance. In the UK, Cruse has a good website for anyone experiencing grief or supporting someone through a loss (www.crusebreavementcare.org.uk). Children and young people can ring the free helpline to chat to a trained advisor. Fondest WishesChristine Adapted from the Tap with Me Programme( Parents Module) from EFT World © 2007
Christine Moran
Parent's Discussion co-moderator
Bsc. Psy.
Adv Prac EFT
Practitioner of MBTI and NLP
www.eftworld.co.uk - EFT for Children and Young People, Parents and Educators
Author of the TAP with ME Programme - see website for details
www.eftworking.co.uk - EFT for adults
email me at contact@eftworking.co.uk
|
|