Dear all,

 When my younger daughter was about 4 (she's 12 now), I was discussing a family problem with  my cousin. I was made an utter fool of by another cousin and was talking with great feeling about it. My daughter who was very neat and orderly even at at that age, was folding clothes and packing it very neatly into my travelling bag and was so proud of the job well done that she kept calling me to have a look with stars in her eyes. Before I realised it, I had turned on her and barked at her. I still remember with deep regret that utterly shocked look on her face, how quickly she went from feeling on top of the world to the pits.

I don't know if she remembers the incident.   I don't want to remind her of it in case she has forgotten. But I have a guilty feeling that the effect of that incident did carry over for a very long time. Is there anything I can do with EFT surrogately to rid her of this? Would appreciate help with this.

Peace always

Shaila 

 

 

Hello Shaila,

First, you need to tap on forgiving yourself and give yourself credit for being a good, loving and humanly flawed parent.  I do not want to pour salt in your wound, however, I would guess that your daughter does remember the incident and if she does not she may still carry the energy of that hurt.  I speak from experience on this one.  Be brave and bring it up to her.  Ask if she remembers and discuss it.  Tell her how proud of her you are and always have been.  Tell her that you made a mistake and you are sorry.  Tap with her if she wants or ask her to help you tap to forgive your self.  Clear the air.  You will both feel better for it.  The important thing is to put down this burden.  Eight years is a long time to carry it.

 

Hi Shaila Excellent advise form Nurse Crilly and I’m sure you will gain an even better relationship with your daughter once you tap for your guilt and reassure her that she always has your love no matter what. Once you have cleared your own guilt, you will probably find it easier to talk to her about it, even though it might feel scary at the moment. A couple of suggestions for tapping: Call up the feeling you got/still get when you see the look on her face and tap on something like: “Even though I can’t forget that utterly shocked look on her face, I forgive myself for reacting like I did, I didn’t intend to hurt her, I was doing the best I can and I’m a great mum” “Even though I can’t forgive myself for what I did…” “Even though I feel so guilty for reacting like that …” “Even though I deeply regret doing that to her…….” “Even though I worry she will carry this hurt….” “Even though it’s my fault if she carries this hurt….” “Even though I’m too scared to mention it to her, because what if I only make it worse…” “Even though I don’t want to see that hurt look on her face again by bringing it up…” Keep tapping on everything that bothers you about the whole incident until you can play the entire event (from start to finish) through in your mind without any intensity. By then you will probably be more than ready to talk to your daughter openly, honestly and with the deep love you so obviously have for her.Any tapping you do with her on this, will only strengthen your bond. Personally, in this case I would only use surrogate tapping if there is a reason why she can't/won't tap by herself or with you, but even then only after you are clear of any negative feelings towards yourself. You could also tap on the incident with your cousin where she made a fool of you, if you still have any intensity around that event. Blessings Angie

Dear Nurse Crilly and Angie,I read your replies. The reason I didn't reply earlier was that I was screwing up my courage. I have long realised that I need to do the Personal Peace Procedure for a lot of issues. But when I think of even beginning to start writing the issues down or think about applying EFT to myself, I start getting a heavy feeling and real fear in my chest (I suppose it's no surprise that I'm a long term asthmatic, on the mend). The only reason I got the courage to go ahead with EFT for the issue I mentioned earlier was because it would benefit my daughter and because of your encouragement. (Angie, just reading your suggested EFT phrases was so soothing. :-) )To cut a long story short, I started with a relatively neutral topic with my daughter.  When I eased the old issue into the session, she, as you'd said, was happy to help me forgive myself. She didn't remember the incident at all. We ended up tapping for over an hour. I tapped along with her. That specific issue is totally neutralised plus my daughter's exam fears (she was in the middle of her term exams and desperate daily, in spite of being good at her studies) and others too. She was so totally relaxed about her exams this morning that she asked me if there really were exams today! And I have finally after months started listing memories to EFT on.Thank you so very much. Peace alwaysShaila