Hi.  I have an almost 3 yr. old boy (turns 3 in three weeks) that has a big fear of being left at the daycare provider or at preschool.  I'm a stay-at-home-mom who will leave him with a provider once a month or once every two months for half a day.  The provider states that he stops crying a few minutes after I leave (but kicks and screams before I leave).

Last year, I enrolled him in a drop off play group (once a week for two hours) at a preschool that I am very familiar with because his 6 yr. old sister attended there (so I'm sure it's not a teacher issue), but he was unable to calm down after several attempts at leaving him and I withdrew him from class (he also left the classroom and refused to return, so the teacher and I are also concerned about his safety).  The playgroup will be starting up again and I told him he gets to go play with other kids this week and he immediately started crying and saying he didn't want me to drop him off and he wanted to go home with me.

I can't think of any specific past experiences that would cause him to react this way unless maybe it has something to do with me being very protective of him as an infant due to him being born with a birth defect of the hand (which we saw a LOT of different doctors for).  As far as EFT goes, I tried, "... mommy loves you, it's o.k. to have fun, mommy will be back, mommy won't forget you, and you're a great boy."  Any other suggestions or angles I should approach this at?  He does pretty well with letting me tap on him.  THANKS for any help.

 Hi, just read your message.  My daughter and I have recently had success with surrogate tapping on my 2 year old grandson.  We find that if he is upset, then he wont tolerate the tapping so I have tried mentally tapping on myself while pushing his buggy to get him to sleep and this seemed to work.  My daughter however, had an innovative idea and as she found it difficult to mentally tap, she used her mobile phone!  She has a photo of J's face as her screen saver and if J is upset and wont go to sleep or settle, she taps on the photo while standing outside his room repeating the set up phrase tapping as if she is J.  It doesn't always work but does more often than not. It may be worth a try standing outside the door next time you leave him.

Hello,

All of your tapping phrases seem to be appropriate.  It seems to me that his fear of abandonment might very well stem from the amount of time that he was left in the care of strangers for his medical issues.  Even though, I am sure you were with him as much as was possible, the treatments were nontheless traumatic for him. 

Consider that you may have some guilt issues about his medical issues and treatment. So tap for that.  Also consider that he may be picking up on your anxious energy.  Tap for that as well.

Additionally, tap for "you are safe", "you are loved", etc.  It may sound the same as what you have been doing, however, sometimes tweaking things a bit can make a big difference.  Developmentally, this is not an unusual reaction for a child his age.  He may just be more sensitive than the average 3 year old and may need a little more hand holding. 

Perhaps when you drop him off, you can wait outside until he settles or give him a picture of you to take with him. Hope this helps. Don't worry, he'll get the hang of it.

That is a great suggestion about using the phone or photo for surrogate tapping.

I would also recommend changing the focus a little by surrogate tapping on the negative aspects.  For example, tap on Mommy won't come back for me, what if they are mean to me, I am afraid Mommy won't come back, I don't like this place, it is not fun here, Mommy will forget about me, I'm afraid to be separated from Mommy, it is not safe without Mommy, only Mommy can protect me, only Mommy can take care of me....

Let us know how this works for you.

WOW!  Thanks for all the great advice!  I'm looking forward to trying them out.  It's good to remember that our own emotions/feelings can "rub off" on our children.  I focus so much on the kids that I forget to look at my own issues.  I love the idea of tapping on a photo to help focus and also leaving a family photo with him to take to class.

 I have a question about negative tapping.  Is there a worry about putting negative ideas in his head?  For example, if he likes the play group but I say, "Even though I don't like this play group...", will he start saying he doesn't like the play group?  Or do I do surrogate negative tapping to avoid him hearing the phrases?

 LOVE THESE FORUMS!  Thanks to all those that work hard to make it happen!

 

I think it is very important to address the negative components with EFT.  If you truly believe that he likes the play group, then there is no need to tap on not liking it.  But, definitely tap on the negative issues that you believe he is experiencing and also on anything that he says.  Ask him why he doesn't want to go.  Tell him you have a special way of making those bad feelings go away, and tap out loud with him on the "bad feelings" that he has.  Have him rate the intensity on each of those feelings before and after tapping so that he can see that they are getting better.  At his age, generally have him hold his hands together (as in prayer position) if it is not bothering him, all the way apart if it is seriously bothering him and anywhere in between to denote where his anxiety level is.  Any feelings you suspect and are concerned will plant a seed with him, you can surrogate tap on.